he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
