just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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