The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
