1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
