My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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