I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
