You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
