Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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