Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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