She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
