put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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