no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
