i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
