She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
