In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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