I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can vaginas get frostbite?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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