I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
