is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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