She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
