i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
