there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
