well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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