Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
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hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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