I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
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It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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