This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
