Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
