im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
