3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
