Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
