I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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