I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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