Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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