You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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