last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
