I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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