Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
