We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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