Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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