this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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