I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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