how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
