just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
