the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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