I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
