dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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