well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
