glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We need to feng shui this bitch.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
