be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
