Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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