He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
