Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You have to summon your inner elephant
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
