does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
