Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
