he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
