He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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