so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Will exercising make me less horny?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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