my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
