You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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