Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
