3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
