Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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