Where did you get a picture of my penis
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
me + whiskey = a bad person
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
