apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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