is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
They have beer where we have blood.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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