What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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