Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
