Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
