I heard we made out
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
