If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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