Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
