who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
