Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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