my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
