There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
