Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
