you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
