The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
